Fanarchy Day: A plan to fix college athletics

There’s a great tragedy to the mess that is college athletics.

It’s not that athletes are trapped in serfdom, that higher education is cheapened or that the whole mess is stubbornly held together by the hypocritical NCAA, which watches money pile up while refusing to admit the glaring, obvious holes in the system.

No, the saddest part is that the people most upset by the state of college athletics, the players and fans, have the power to change it and won’t.

By this point, most agree that it’s wildly unfair that student-athletes do the work while everyone else gets the money. We see through the alleged value of those sociology and criminal justice degrees, and we’re outraged at facts like these: Texas football players are worth $513,922 but have scholarships that don’t even cover expenses, Florida’s football and basketball programs are the nation’s richest but their players live $2,250 below the federal poverty line, and Duke basketball players are valued at more than $1 million but unpaid. (Well, we probably aren’t crying for Duke, but still.)

These are the circumstances that lead to things like Auburn changing grades or then-assistant Will Muschamp (allegedly) slipping $400 to a player and saying, “Is this enough? Is this good?” With so much money at stake, coaches and programs can’t afford not to blur the lines. And when they’re caught and NCAA sanctions are handed out, the next generation of coaches and players has to pay the price.

And on and on it goes.

But amid all this, it’d be relatively easy to spark a change.

A strike, especially at an event like Monday’s national championship hoops game, would cripple the NCAA, but no player is going to stand on the cusp of glory and NBA money, then back down out of protest. By the time athletes reach the stage where they can really make an impact, there’s too much cash, fame and female accompaniment at stake to walk away.

Likewise, if fans stopped watching and buying tickets and supporting their favorite teams, college football and basketball would become, well, college soccer. But that won’t happen either, because we can’t resist.

We hold the cards but refuse to play them, and the cycle seems destined to continue.

Well, fuck cards, it’s time for a different game.

There’s a simple way to turn this system on its head — an idea just crazy enough to work: Start paying the players ourselves.

For now, let’s call it Fanarchy Day, the trillion dollar coin for college sports. Read More →

New Jags GM made a big mistake with comments on Tebow

Give new Jaguars general manager David Caldwell this: he sure knows how to stun a room full of reporters.

That’s exactly what he did during his introductory press conference on Thursday, a feat he accomplished with his response to the inevitable Tebow Question. With reports circulating that The Chosen One would be making His Great Return this offseason, it was bound to come up. It did, and Caldwell’s answer was as misguided as it was direct.

Asked about the team’s quarterback situation, Caldwell said there would be an open competition between semi-bust Blaine Gabbert and temporary solution Chad Henne, and he added they would look to bring in others. Just not Tim Tebow:

“As far as Tim goes, he is a member of the New York Jets, so I can’t imagine a scenario where he would be a Jacksonville Jaguar.”

That was the final line in a much longer answer, and it just hung in the air, seeming to knock the wind out of everyone in the room for a split second. An audible “Uh-” could be heard from someone in the crowd, followed by a call to “Say that again?”

He did, and when asked whether Tebow would be an option if the Jets released him, Caldwell said no again.

Big ups to Caldwell, because that showed some balls (as a younger Tim might say, “Big Nuts!”). It’s also a major step forward from the way his predecessor, Gene Smith, used to leave people dumbfounded — by a draft strategy that displayed  a level of expertise similar to that of a child playing Monopoly without reading the rules.

But Caldwell’s comment was also stupid and unnecessary. Read More →

A Wasted Evening: Figuring out how much football was in the BCS Championship

This college football season spanned 131 days, hundreds of games, tens of millions in attendance and an incalculable amount of sweat from athletes, stress from their fans, speculation from the media and butt-chugging from Tennessee students.

Ever wonder what it’s all for?

For starters, there’s the $450 trillion in revenue (estimate via Enron) that shall not blemish the lily-white amateur virginity of the college football player — but beyond that, of course, is the ultimate goal of crowing a national champion.

All of that time and effort, and all of the hype and debate and money, built up to the game we watched last night. Clearly, Alabama’s yawner of a 42-14 win against Notre Dame was not the dramatic clash befitting such a moment, but competitiveness aside, how much football did we really watch?

In all likelihood, you didn’t stay glued to the tube for the entire three hours and 13 minutes, which ran from just before kickoff until the end of Crimson Tide coach Nick Saban‘s victorious postgame interview. At least I hope you didn’t.

But while you were freed from the inevitable result that every god-fearing southerner expected, I was planted in my seat with a stopwatch and Excel spreadsheet, hell bent on figuring out exactly how much action we got in college football’s finale.

As it turns out, 15 minutes and 21 seconds. Read More →

The Truth Behind AJ McCarron’s Tears

If you watched the game, you saw it. With less than a minute left, Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron hit T.J. Yeldon on a screen pass for a 28-yard touchdown that handed No. 1 Alabama a 21-17 win at No. 5 LSU.

And immediately afterward, there was McCarron on the sideline, face in a towel, crying his eyes out.

As seems to be the case with any emotional athlete these days, McCarron’s tears led to swift ridicule, but those barbs could only have come from people who didn’t know the real story. The truth — the reason behind his emotions — was some 200 miles away in Alabama, lurking 75 feet below the surface of Mobile Bay.

The Monday before the game, sitting in His office at the Alabama football complex, He knew it would come to this. He had foreseen it long ago, on that fateful evening in October of 1972 when everything changed. Then, Nick Saban was a senior defensive back at Kent State, facing the fact that an ankle injury had ended His playing career and likely doomed Him to the livelihood of a West Virginia car salesman, which is industry jargon for a wagon salesman.

Not content with this, Saban had made the trade that is now well-known: His soul for the ability to see into the future, a swap that would bring Him football immortality. Hubris sometimes led Him to abandon this gift, but He had used it to become a masterful planner before crucial games, always knowing which scheme to deploy and which players to motivate.

With the Crimson Tide’s trip to Tiger Stadium looming, Saban knew which player would need that extra motivation. And for this — a life-and-death clash with national title hopes on the line — the usual methods of rousing speeches, pats on the back and shock collars just wouldn’t cut it.

He could take no chances. Read More →

Secondhand Sports: An OKC Thunder Playoff Game

Welcome to the latest installment of Secondhand Sports, where I give you an in-depth look at a sporting event that you were too busy being somewhere other than Oklahoma to attend. I spent more than a month preparing for this post, as it required me to get a new job, move and take a work trip to Oklahoma City in order to report it. But those are the lengths I’m willing to go to for y’all. This time, I spotlight Game 3 of the NBA’s Western Conference Finals, which featured the San Antonio Spurs at the Oklahoma City Thunder.

As someone who only lived in Seattle for three months but tries to act like a totally legit Seattleite, I have very mixed feelings about the Oklahoma City Thunder. I love their stars: Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook and James Harden. I love the fact that they’re the new kids on the block of the NBA’s elite. I also love that the city sheltered the Hornets in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, and that they’ve developed a passionate hoops following in Oklahoma.

But I’m not allowed to like them, because they killed Seattle basketball. Nevermind that the city couldn’t suck it up and build a new arena, or that the Sonics’ demise makes my favorite soccer team, Seattle Sounders FC, that much more popular. The owners of the Thunder stole the Sonics, and they can just go to hell.

So it was with mixed emotions that I entered Chesapeake Energy Arena for the game. I was excited to see my first NBA playoff game, but I felt dead inside and totally resistant to any kind of celebration with the home crowd. So I guess it felt like any normal day of work as a sports reporter, except I didn’t get free food or WiFi.

Let’s get it on.

(Note: In a McCallin’ It Like I See It first, all times listed are Central. This is a big switch, so please visit this time zone converter and run the numbers to stay with the story. Make sure you stop and do that before every single line. Don’t pull some cowboy shit and try to do the math in your head or skip it altogether. That’s how people get hurt.)

7:58: I step out of my car in the parking lot, and the attendant is already striding toward me. He looks like he just can’t wait to tell me something, and I’m already positive it’s going to be weird. It is.

“I got some good news today,” he says. I’m determined to will this into being a normal exchange, so I cheerfully say, “Oh, yea, what’s that?”

“They caught my friend’s murderer.” Read More →

Mayweather-Cotto: A Star Lets Us Down

The Saturday night prize fight between Floyd Mayweather and Miguel Cotto was a chance for one of the world’s premier entertainers to remind us all why he belongs on top. The occasion called for the kind of career-defining performance that his rabid fanbase was expecting. This demanded confidence, swagger, and execution.

By that measure, Justin Bieber let us down.

The Mayweather-Cotto fight was a good one, filled with earnest attempts to punch each other — an unfortunately rare occurrence in big bouts — and Mayweather’s stunning quickness and masterful defense.

But the biggest buzz from the evening will undoubtedly be Mayweather’s march to the ring. It started in ordinary fashion: Mayweather sauntering through the bowels of the MGM Grand Garden Arena in a red leather vest with spikes on the shoulders, flanked by a massive entourage wearing various “Money Team” apparel. 50 Cent was there, so was Triple H.

Then Bieber showed up. Read More →

Secondhand Sports: The FSU Spring Game

Welcome to the latest installment of Secondhand Sports, where I give you the inside track on a sporting event you most likely did not care to attend. This time, prepare for an in-depth look at FSU’s spring football game, which was mostly spent focusing on anything but FSU’s spring football game.

If there’s one lesson I learned from my childhood, it’s this: Go for the party, skip the spring football game.

Growing up, we always attended East Carolina’s Pigskin Pigout Party for the BBQ, music, autographs, and to see PeeDee the Pirate. But ECU’s spring game, the main event of the weekend, was always the lowest priority — and for good reason.

Spring games are the biggest affront to the term “spectator sport” that I could imagine. It’s a scrimmage masquerading as a real football game. Scoring systems are often made up and arbitrary, players switch teams, contact is limited, and it doesn’t matter one iota who wins. I’d rather watch paraplegic figure skating (actually, that might be awesome).

For coaches and players, they’re important, along with every other precious second of preseason practice time. But my real problem is that the rest of us are supposed to act like we care. I lost a piece of my soul every time I had to pretend that, “Yea, Deonte Thompson really looks primed for a big year. Did you see that go-route he ran in the third quarter of the spring game?”

Everyone is clamoring for a sneak peek of what their team will look like the following fall, but it doesn’t really work that way. Remember when Markus Manson led all rushers at UF’s 2006 spring game? Or when Chevon Walker did the same thing the next year? Or when Cam Newton threw for more yards than Tim Tebow in 2007? Well, maybe we should have paid more attention to that last one.

The point is that these things aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. It’s just a practice, but after a weekend in Tallahassee for the Seminoles’ spring game, I can understand the allure a little more.

Here’s how it went down (all times are approximate; it was that kind of day): Read More →

Urban didn’t “break” UF, he just ran out of good players

The demonizing of Urban Meyer hit perhaps an all-time high this week, when Matt Hayes of Sporting News dropped this bombshell of an article detailing “How Urban Meyer broke Florida football.”

The basic points are that Meyer fostered a poisonous environment at UF by letting his most prized players — dubbed the “Circle of Trust” — run wild by covering up their drug use and allowing prima-donna behavior. By the end of his time in Gainesville, he had completely lost control of the team, which led to a sense of entitlement and lack of discipline that has left the Gators a shadow of the program that dominated college football a few years ago.

(I like to imagine that the “Circle of Trust” involved an elaborate induction ceremony, where strength coach Mickey Marotti dead-lifted the player in front of the rest of the group while junior member Wondy Pierre-Louis beat a drum and sang “In the Ciiiiiircle, the Circle of Trust”).

The whole thing is summed up perfectly in this quote from former UF safety Bryan Thomas: “As far as coaching, there’s no one else like (Meyer). He’s a great coach. He gets players to do things you never thought you could do. But he’s a bad person. He’ll win at Ohio State. But if he doesn’t change, they’re going to have the same problems.”

But is the slam job fair? Probably not. Read More →

March Mistake: 64 Bets During the NCAA Tournament

Note: If you’re a member of law enforcement, the following is purely fictional.

My March Madness gambling binge began — where else — in a bathroom stall.

Usually, my sports-betting is limited to very specific circumstances where I have in-depth knowledge, such as last fall, when betting lines were repeatedly set that confused Florida with a good football team. Banking on the magical powers of Mondo Bummer John Brantley, I made six straight winning bets against the Gators.

Other than that, I’m pretty quiet. Well, I did used to wager on MLS matches (perhaps the most degenerate bet possible), but that ended once bookmakers actually started paying attention to the sport instead of throwing down random numbers. I don’t even bet on my biggest sports passion — East Carolina football games — because the Pirates are far too unpredictable. The only way to make a profit would be if there was a bet that said, “Mike will be pissed off after watching this game.”

But in the last month, my responsible nature went out the window. On the first day of the NCAA Tournament, I was at work, half-following the action on my phone. As always, I had joined a few bracket pools, but I had no intention of any further gambling.

Then, one little Tweet sent me on an adventure that has led me here: praying that Kansas makes the first three-pointer in tonight’s national title game so I can get my $115 back.

Read More →

Tebow to the Jaguars would be bad for both sides

Picture this: You’ve been living in a crappy house with a so-so job and very few friends. The only thing going for you is your car — a badass little roadster that’s fast and reliable. But even with the car, you’re kind of the joke of the neighborhood.

But then you decide to turn things around. You slowly start renovating the house, and you go out and meet an okay-looking blonde from Missouri — she’s like a 6, but you’re thinking she’s a late-bloomer and you get along well enough, so you propose, and now she’s got a bun in the oven.

Things aren’t perfect, but they’re getting better. Even though the fiancee still needs work, the meat loaf is a little less burned every Wednesday night. One day, while you’re out shopping for some new cooking ware to help the lady out and some supplies to fix your leaky roof, you spot a PS3 on sale.

It’s a good deal, but it’s going to mean less time to work on the house, and it’s going to make you a crappy husband and father. On the other hand, you’ll be having so much fun that you won’t give a damn about the roof or the wife. Hell, you might not even need the car anymore. And God, it would be awesome. You’d finally be able to get some friends to come hang out with you!

What do you do?

To unravel that absurd and half-coherent analogy: You are the Jacksonville Jaguars, Blaine Gabbert is the fiancee, your receiving corps is kitchen supplies, the roof is your offensive line, Maurice Jones-Drew is your car, and Tim Tebow is the PS3 (you’re welcome for skipping the part that involved David Garrard and assless leather chaps).

Except in the real-life version, that ps3 isn’t just on sale, everyone is pounding on your windows screaming at you to go buy it.

In addition to sparking a level of outrage not seen in Tennessee since the state made bestiality a felony, Peyton Manning‘s move to the Denver Broncos immediately reignited Tebowmania in Jacksonville, where talk of The Chosen One’s potential return dominated everything from social media to men’s rooms to the local news.

But — with the Jags’ current situation — adding Tebow would be bad for both sides. Read More →