Picture this: You’ve been living in a crappy house with a so-so job and very few friends. The only thing going for you is your car — a badass little roadster that’s fast and reliable. But even with the car, you’re kind of the joke of the neighborhood.
But then you decide to turn things around. You slowly start renovating the house, and you go out and meet an okay-looking blonde from Missouri — she’s like a 6, but you’re thinking she’s a late-bloomer and you get along well enough, so you propose, and now she’s got a bun in the oven.
Things aren’t perfect, but they’re getting better. Even though the fiancee still needs work, the meat loaf is a little less burned every Wednesday night. One day, while you’re out shopping for some new cooking ware to help the lady out and some supplies to fix your leaky roof, you spot a PS3 on sale.
It’s a good deal, but it’s going to mean less time to work on the house, and it’s going to make you a crappy husband and father. On the other hand, you’ll be having so much fun that you won’t give a damn about the roof or the wife. Hell, you might not even need the car anymore. And God, it would be awesome. You’d finally be able to get some friends to come hang out with you!
What do you do?
To unravel that absurd and half-coherent analogy: You are the Jacksonville Jaguars, Blaine Gabbert is the fiancee, your receiving corps is kitchen supplies, the roof is your offensive line, Maurice Jones-Drew is your car, and Tim Tebow is the PS3 (you’re welcome for skipping the part that involved David Garrard and assless leather chaps).
Except in the real-life version, that ps3 isn’t just on sale, everyone is pounding on your windows screaming at you to go buy it.
In addition to sparking a level of outrage not seen in Tennessee since the state made bestiality a felony, Peyton Manning‘s move to the Denver Broncos immediately reignited Tebowmania in Jacksonville, where talk of The Chosen One’s potential return dominated everything from social media to men’s rooms to the local news.
But — with the Jags’ current situation — adding Tebow would be bad for both sides. Continue reading →