Category Archives: Secondhand Sports

Secondhand Sports: An OKC Thunder Playoff Game

June 5, 2012 4:34 pm , Leave a Comment ,

Welcome to the latest installment of Secondhand Sports, where I give you an in-depth look at a sporting event that you were too busy being somewhere other than Oklahoma to attend. I spent more than a month preparing for this post, as it required me to get a new job, move and take a work trip to Oklahoma City in order to report it. But those are the lengths I’m willing to go to for y’all. This time, I spotlight Game 3 of the NBA’s Western Conference Finals, which featured the San Antonio Spurs at the Oklahoma City Thunder.

As someone who only lived in Seattle for three months but tries to act like a totally legit Seattleite, I have very mixed feelings about the Oklahoma City Thunder. I love their stars: Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook and James Harden. I love the fact that they’re the new kids on the block of the NBA’s elite. I also love that the city sheltered the Hornets in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, and that they’ve developed a passionate hoops following in Oklahoma.

But I’m not allowed to like them, because they killed Seattle basketball. Nevermind that the city couldn’t suck it up and build a new arena, or that the Sonics’ demise makes my favorite soccer team, Seattle Sounders FC, that much more popular. The owners of the Thunder stole the Sonics, and they can just go to hell.

So it was with mixed emotions that I entered Chesapeake Energy Arena for the game. I was excited to see my first NBA playoff game, but I felt dead inside and totally resistant to any kind of celebration with the home crowd. So I guess it felt like any normal day of work as a sports reporter, except I didn’t get free food or WiFi.

Let’s get it on.

(Note: In a McCallin’ It Like I See It first, all times listed are Central. This is a big switch, so please visit this time zone converter and run the numbers to stay with the story. Make sure you stop and do that before every single line. Don’t pull some cowboy shit and try to do the math in your head or skip it altogether. That’s how people get hurt.)

7:58: I step out of my car in the parking lot, and the attendant is already striding toward me. He looks like he just can’t wait to tell me something, and I’m already positive it’s going to be weird. It is.

“I got some good news today,” he says. I’m determined to will this into being a normal exchange, so I cheerfully say, “Oh, yea, what’s that?”

“They caught my friend’s murderer.” Read More →

Posted in: Secondhand Sports, Sports , Tagged: , , , , , , ,

Secondhand Sports: The FSU Spring Game

April 16, 2012 2:24 am , 1 Comment ,

Welcome to the latest installment of Secondhand Sports, where I give you the inside track on a sporting event you most likely did not care to attend. This time, prepare for an in-depth look at FSU’s spring football game, which was mostly spent focusing on anything but FSU’s spring football game.

If there’s one lesson I learned from my childhood, it’s this: Go for the party, skip the spring football game.

Growing up, we always attended East Carolina’s Pigskin Pigout Party for the BBQ, music, autographs, and to see PeeDee the Pirate. But ECU’s spring game, the main event of the weekend, was always the lowest priority — and for good reason.

Spring games are the biggest affront to the term “spectator sport” that I could imagine. It’s a scrimmage masquerading as a real football game. Scoring systems are often made up and arbitrary, players switch teams, contact is limited, and it doesn’t matter one iota who wins. I’d rather watch paraplegic figure skating (actually, that might be awesome).

For coaches and players, they’re important, along with every other precious second of preseason practice time. But my real problem is that the rest of us are supposed to act like we care. I lost a piece of my soul every time I had to pretend that, “Yea, Deonte Thompson really looks primed for a big year. Did you see that go-route he ran in the third quarter of the spring game?”

Everyone is clamoring for a sneak peek of what their team will look like the following fall, but it doesn’t really work that way. Remember when Markus Manson led all rushers at UF’s 2006 spring game? Or when Chevon Walker did the same thing the next year? Or when Cam Newton threw for more yards than Tim Tebow in 2007? Well, maybe we should have paid more attention to that last one.

The point is that these things aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. It’s just a practice, but after a weekend in Tallahassee for the Seminoles’ spring game, I can understand the allure a little more.

Here’s how it went down (all times are approximate; it was that kind of day): Read More →

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Secondhand Sports: Watching a Professional Rodeo and Flying With a Rapper

January 31, 2012 12:59 am , 7 Comments ,

Welcome to our latest installment of Secondhand Sports, where we give you the inside track on a sporting event you most likely did not care to attend. This is also the second edition of “McSeanin’ It Like He Sees It,” and this time, our special correspondent and Montana Bureau Chief takes us to a professional rodeo event. Much to my delight, it sounds exactly how I imagined it.

BONUS: I couldn’t really think of much to add to Sean’s commentary (that alone is a bonus for y’all) — probably because I was interrupted by a well-known rapper as I was reading it. That story is at the bottom.

Take it away, Sean:

I have to admit, the only reason I wanted to go to a rodeo was so when I say, “It’s not my first rodeo!” I’m not lying. “But Sean!” you might say, “Doesn’t that expression mean you were in a rodeo, not just some asshole sitting in the bleachers?” Well, dear reader, I don’t think you know how the Internet works. I can’t hear what you’re saying into your monitor. Geez Mike, this hypothetical reader of yours sure is stupid. Anyways, it’s the second installment in my series of “Unnecessary Articles,”™ and I will write what I want.

​Where was I? Oh yeah, the Rodeo, one of the things Mike wanted me to cover out here in Montana. True story, when I asked Mike if I could write for his website, he said “yeah I’ve been looking for someone to cover ranch sports.” To be honest, I have no idea whether he was joking or not, so I ran with it. So off I went, your intrepid correspondent, to the Elite Professionals Bull Riding and Rodeo Finals, brought to you by the NRA.

I’m not making that up either, the only way it could have been more Red State American is if a Bald Eagle had flown overhead dropping apple pies and then gouged out the eyes of a communist while singing Toby Keith. (Note to self: that would be awesome, Google “vocal lessons for eagles” later). Read More →

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Unimaginative and Inept: A Tale of Survival from the TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl

January 10, 2012 4:00 am , 3 Comments ,

Ladies and Gentlemen (Do chicks read this blog? I gotta start wearing cologne when I type), welcome to our first-ever guest column. In an effort to boost our readership in the crucial state of Montana, the board of directors and I have extended an invitation to a friend, Sean C., who shall remain last-nameless for the sake of his future law career that does not need to be sullied by this website. Sean will join us occasionally to provide his thoughts on — well, we didn’t really get that far. He just said he wants to write, so he’s writing now. Deal with it.

For his first post, Sean attended the Gator Bowl and recorded his experience in a fashion similar to my Jaguars game post a few weeks ago. I hope this becomes a running feature on the blog, so if you’re attending a game and want to provide your thoughts on it, let me know. Below, you can live Sean’s big day at the Gator Bowl, where taxes, beer and the spirit of Vince Lombardi were slain with reckless abandon. I’ve provided my random thoughts in italics.

Without further adieu, the first edition of “McSeanin’ It Like He Sees It!” Read More →

Posted in: College Football, Gators, Secondhand Sports , Tagged: , , , , , ,

You’ve always wanted to know what a Jaguars game is like. Well, here you go.

December 6, 2011 6:58 am , 1 Comment ,

To repay you, my loyal reader(s) for the valuable minute(s) you’ve wasted on this site, I wanted to get you a gift. Something special. Something you’ve probably never gotten before and never would get to have without my help.

Sadly, I couldn’t figure out how to transmit herpes via blogging,  so instead I settled on delivering an experience that statistically, far fewer Americans will get to enjoy: a Jacksonville Jaguars game.

It’s unfair that so many of my brethren will never get to attend a game in Jax, so when I went to the Jags-Chargers MNF showdown, I took notes.  If you’ve never been to a Jaguars game, here’s what you’re missing: Read More →

Posted in: Jaguars, NFL, Secondhand Sports , Tagged: